Famous Quotes & Sayings

Alan Hansen

I always wanted to be a golfer, only I realised that if I'd played golf I would have been skint.

David Leadbetter

Is there such a thing as a technically perfect swing? If there is, I have yet to see it.

David Leadbetter

Your final goal is to convert your athletic swing to pure instinct rather than conscious thought.

Dave Barry

I like golf because you can be really terrible at it, and still not look much dorkier than anybody else.

Dave Barry

You can, legally, possibly hit and kill a fellow golfer with a ball, and there will not be a lot of trouble because the other golfers will refuse to stop and be witnesses because they will want to keep playing.

Dave Barry

If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. If you're right 90% of the time, why quibble about the remaining 3%? In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression. In America we call it golf.

Dave Barry

For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

Dave Barry

Talking about golf is always boring. Playing golf can be interesting, but not the part where you try to hit the little ball; only the part where you drive the cart.

Buddy Hackett

Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.

Charles Caleb Colton

There are only two things in which the false professors of all religions have agreed--to persecute all other sects and to plunder their own.

Charles Caleb Colton

There are two things that bestow consequence; great possession, or great debts.

Charles Caleb Colton

Two things, well considered, would prevent many quarrels: first, to have it well ascertained whether we are not disputing about terms, rather than things; and, secondly, to examine whether that on which we differ is worth contending about.

Charles Caleb Colton

There are two metals, one of which is omnipotent in the cabinet, and the other in the camp--gold and iron. He that knows how to apply them both may indeed attain the highest station.

Charles Caleb Colton

If often happens too, both in courts and in cabinets, that there are two things going on together,--a main plot and an under-plot; and he that understands only one of them will, in all probability, be the dupe of both. A mistress may rule a monarch, but some obscure favorite may rule the mistress.

Charles Caleb Colton

Make the most of the day, by determining to spend it on two sorts of acquaintances only--those by whom something may be got, and those from whom something may be learned.

Charles Caleb Colton

There are two way of establishing a reputation, one to be praised by honest people and the other to be accused by rogues. It is best, however, to secure the first one, because it will always be accompanied by the latter.

Charles Caleb Colton

The two most precious things this side of the grave are our reputation and our life. But it is to be lamented that the most contemptible whisper may deprive us of the one, and the weakest weapon of the other.

Charles Dickens

That sort of half sigh, which, accompanied by two or three slight nods of the head, is pity's small change in general society.

Dirk Benedict

I loved sitting on my veranda sipping quality scotch, puffing a Cuban cigar and watching Cuba on the horizon, or the oceanic vista. Did this late in the evenings many times.

E. B. White

Don Marquis came down after a month on the wagon, ambled over to the bar, and announced, 'I've conquered that goddamn willpower of mine. Gimme a double Scotch.

Mickey Rooney

Had I been brighter, the ladies been gentler, the Scotch been weaker, had the gods been kinder, had the dice been hotter, this could have been a one-sentence story: Once upon a time I lived happily ever after.

Horace Walpole

The whole [Scotch] nation hitherto has been void of wit and humour, and even incapable of relishing it.

Jim Leyland

I'm second in doubles - double vodkas, double scotches.

Lewis Black

I was a drinker, so I went through the scotches. Before single malts hit, there were really cheap scotches, because nobody was paying attention to them. Then by the time they started jacking those prices up, I moved on to vodka.

Mae West

Why don’t you come up and have a little ... scotch and sofa?

Nathan Myhrvold

If you take a scotch whiskey and distill out the alcohol, what is left has an amazing taste to it and can be used as a flavoring for a dessert.

Stephen Colbert

Vodka eyeballing sounds great, but it's a slippery slope. Next, you'll be scotch nostriling, tequila nippling and, before you know it, Jager tainting.