Famous Quotes & Sayings

Larry David

People have often wondered how they'd feel if they were adopted. I think it's funny.

Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at that word itself. MANKIND. Basically, it's made up of two separate words mank and ind. What do these words mean? It's a mystery and that's why so is mankind.

Susan Stroman

Mel has written 10 new songs, and they're very funny. It's a year and a half away from opening on Broadway.

Billy Corgan

The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I'm really a jock.

Bill Shankly

A football team is like a piano. You need eight men to carry it and three who can play the damn thing.

Bill Engvall

He knows all the golf lingo. You know? You hit your ball, he's like "there's a golf shot. That's a golf shot." Well of course it's a golf shot; I just hit a golf ball. You don't see Gretzky skating around going "there's a hockey shot, that's a hockey shot."

Bill Engvall

My son is 12 now, and is really getting into girls. A lot. But the thing about twelve year old boys is that they don't possess what I like to call that ... discretionary gene yet. We were walking home from the ballfield the other day and there was a woman walking towards us who was ... gifted. I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, "Dude, shut up." She hadn't walked two feet behind us and he goes "God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?" And all I could say was "Yeah, I did!"

Bill Engvall

No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there's Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.

Bill Engvall

I thought "RV" stood for "Recreational Vehicle." No! It stands for "Ruins Vacations."

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Navigating by the compass in a sea of clouds over Spain is all very well, it is very dashing, but - you want to remember that below the sea of clouds lies eternity.

Becca Fitzpatrick

My legs are falling asleep,” I blurted. It wasn’t a total lie. I was experiencing tingling sensations all through my body, legs included. “I could solve that.” Patch’s hands closed on my hips.

Becca Fitzpatrick

Wow. Nice bike,” I said. Which was a lie. It looked like a glossy black death trap.

Becca Fitzpatrick

Everything had come into sharp focus : his smooth words, his black, glinting eyes, his broad experience with lies, seduction, women. I'd fallen in love with the devil.

B. H. Liddell Hart

In reality, it si more fruitful to wound than to kill. While the dead man lies still, counting only one man less, the wounded man is a progressive drain upon his side.

B. H. Liddell Hart

Direct experience is inherently too limited to form an adequate foundation either for theory or for application. At the best it produces an atmosphere that is of value in drying and hardening the structure of thought. The greater value of indirect experience lies in its greater variety and extent. History is universal experience, the experience not of another, but of many others under manifold conditions.

B. B. King

Playing the guitar is like telling the truth - you never have to worry about repeating the same [lie] if you told the truth. You don't have to pretend, or cover up. If someone asks you again, you don't have to think about it or worry about it because there it is. It's you.

B. F. Skinner

I may say that the only differences I expect to see revealed between the behavior of the rat and man (aside from enormous differences of complexity) lie in the field of verbal behavior.

C. S. Lewis

We may be sure that the characteristic blindness of the twentieth century [...] lies where we have never suspected it [...] The only palliative is [...] by reading old books. [...] the books of the future would be just as good [...], but unfortunately we cannot get at them.

Dan Gallagher

Reclamation is our new thing that we are trying to encourage more and more so we can put a second use to all the water we produce. It is a way to preserve the precious drinking water we have and use it for needs like human consumption.

Kaye Fillmore

Our results suggest that light drinking is a sign of good health, and not necessarily its cause.

Becca Fitzpatrick

My life sucks when I’m only half-aware of it. If I quit drinking and saw what it’s really like, I’d probably jump off a bridge.

Bill Cosby

I’m supposed to figure out if the glass is half full or half empty,” I told her. Without a moment’s hesitation, in a split second, my grandmother shrugged and said: “It depends on if you’re drinking or pouring.

Bill Cosby

Is the glass half full, or half empty? It depends on whether you're pouring, or drinking.

Bette Davis

There comes a time in every woman's life when the only thing that helps is a glass of champagne.

Ashton Kutcher

I gave up smoking, I never gave up the drinking. But it's hard to smoke and swim at the same time. You'd get to the edge of the pool and all you'd be wanting is a cigarette when all you actually really want is oxygen. So I traded the smoke for the oxygen.

Bill Vaughan

If CASA?s board, which includes such scientific experts as actress Jamie Lee Curtis, wants to tell the world that drinking is bad for you, that?s their prerogative? But there?s no excuse for political activism masquerading as science.

Jessica Williams

I first fell in love with comedy when I'd visit my granny as a kid. Trips to her house meant staying up late drinking Coca-Cola and watching 'Saturday Night Live'.