Related Quotes
funny humorous mind
I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it. Charles Dickens
funny morning self
All knives and forks were working away at a rate that was quite alarming; very few words were spoken; and everybody seemed to eat his utmost, in self defence, as if a famine were expected to set in before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, and it had become high time to assert the first law of nature.
funny death witty
He would make a lovely corpse.
funny kings humorous
It is an old prerogative of kings to govern everything but their passions.
funny people literature
Although a skillful flatterer is a most delightful companion if you have him all to yourself, his taste becomes very doubtful when he takes to complimenting other people.
funny christmas xmas
Happy, happy Christmas, that can win us back to the delusions of our childhood days, recall to the old man the pleasures of his youth, and transport the traveler back to his own fireside and quiet home!
funny law people
If there were no bad people, there would be no good lawyers.
funny marriage wedding
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the dinner. Charles Caleb Colton
funny age fifty
I'm aiming by the time I'm fifty to stop being an adolescent.
humorous eye men
There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.
humorous mind looks
Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it. David Sedaris
humorous school world
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria. Dave Barry
humorous son english-history
English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.
humorous rocks design
The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..
humorous years europe
The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.
humorous keys germany
One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.
humorous gambling blood
Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.
humorous hotel-lobby france
Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.
hands feelings excess
The victims of ennui paralyze all the grosser feelings by excess, and torpify all the finer by disuse and inactivity. Disgusted with this world, and indifferent about another, they at last lay violent hands upon themselves, and assume no small credit for the sang froid with which they meet death. But, alas! such beings can scarcely be said to die, for they have never truly lived.
hands class two
Literature has her quacks no less than medicine, and they are divided into two classes; those who have erudition without genius, and those who have volubility without depth; we shall get second-hand sense from the one, and original nonsense from the other.
hands sorrow tears
If I dropped a tear upon your hand, may it wither it up! If I spoke a gentle word in your hearing, may it deafen you! If I touched you with my lips, may the touch be poison to you! A curse upon this roof that gave me shelter! Sorrow and shame upon your head! Ruin upon all belonging to you!
hands feet office
Skewered through and through with office-pens, and bound hand and foot with red tape.
hands library grew
I grew up on second hand bookshops and libraries. Charles Stross
hands soul half
I would rather lay my soul asoak in half a dozen verses [of the Bible] all day than rinse my hand in several chapters. Charles Spurgeon
hands despair rope
Faith has a saving connection with Christ. Christ is on the shore, so to speak, holding the rope, and as we lay hold of it with the hand of our confidence, He pulls us to shore; but all good works having no connection with Christ are drifted along down the gulf of fell despair.
hands soap calling
There’s no shame about any honest calling; don’t be afraid of soiling your hands, there’s plenty of soap to be had.
hands ignorant used
And it came to pass that in the hands of the ignorant, the words of the Bible were used to beat plowshares into swords Alan Watts