S. J. Perelman
S. J. Perelman
Sidney Joseph Perelman, known as S. J. Perelman, was an American humorist, author, and screenwriter. He is best known for his humorous short pieces written over many years for The New Yorker. He also wrote for several other magazines, including Judge, as well as books, scripts, and screenplays. Perelman received an Academy Award for screenwriting in 1956...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionScreenwriter
Date of Birth1 February 1904
CountryUnited States of America
brother scotch sides
I'm half Scotch-Irish on both sides, and when I lose my temper-brother, I go.
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
learning
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
hero law steel
In pulp fiction it is a rigid convention that the hero's shoulders and the heroine's balcon constantly threaten to burst their bonds, a possibility which keeps the audience in a state of tense expectancy. Unfortunately for the fans, however, recent tests reveal that the wisp of chiffon which stands between the publisher and the postal laws has the tensile strength of drop-forged steel.
boys ears body
Nature, it appears, has been rather more bountiful to Paul's body and purse than to his intellect; above the ears, speaking bluntly, the boy is strictly tapioca.
pride anorexia television
I used to pride myself on being impervious to the sentimentalities of soap opera, but when that loveliest of actresses, Rachel Gurney, of Upstairs, Downstairs, perished on the Titanic, I wept so convulsively and developed such anorexia that I had to be force-fed.
gone teeth fit
I'll dispose of my teeth as I see fit, and after they've gone, I'll get along. I started off living on gruel, and by God, I can always go back to it again.
funny kitchen france
"In France," Marcel said with wintry dignity, "accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen."
funny humor feel-better
FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there's a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue.
years twelve ponies
As for consulting a dentist regularly, my punctuality practically amounted to a fetish. Every twelve years I would drop whatever I was doing and allow wild Caucasian ponies to drag me to a reputable orthodontist.
thinking vanity age
In my more pompous moments I like to think of myself as a writer rather than a humorist, but I suppose that's merely the vanity of advancing age.
book awards together
This medal (the National Book Award) together with my American Express card, will identify me worldwide ... except at Bloomingdale's.
inspirational sunday pearls
I found the pearl of the Orient slightly less exciting than a rainy Sunday evening in Rochester.
summer discovery august
One stifling summer afternoon last August, in the attic of a tiny stone house in Pennsylvania, I made a most interesting discovery: the shortest, cheapest method of inducing a nervous breakdown ever perfected. In this technique..., the subject is placed in a sharply sloping attic heated to 340 F and given a mothproof closet known as the Jiffy-Cloz to assemble.