Mitch Hedberg
Mitch Hedberg
Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth24 February 1968
CitySaint Paul, MN
CountryUnited States of America
wall doors your-side
I had an apartment and I had a neighbor, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say Go around I cannot open the wall I dunno if you have a door on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat.
wall clubs bricks
Comedy clubs have brick walls behind the performer. Bricks make you funny. When I'm in front of a fireplace, I'm hilarious.
funny wall humor
I was going to stay overnight at my friend's house - he said, "you'll have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! You don't know how bad I wanted to sleep on the wall.
funny depressing wall
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
bite body emergency kit snake
I snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.
sick time
I sick of "soup of the day" it's time we made a decision, i want to know what "soup from now on" is
suitcase
I've always wanted to have a suitcase handcuffed to my wrist.
bad bite body bought buy emergency friend front money opening paid repair snakes start stepped worry
Sometimes I make some money doin' comedy. I made $3000 opening for the Neville Brothers, and they paid me in cash, so I had $3000 in my front pocket. That was a bad situation, because then I start to buy ridulous sh**. Like, I bought a snake-bite emergency repair kit. Then I said to my friends, 'Don't even worry about snakes anymore.' Then my friend stepped on a worm, I said, 'Lay down.' Snake bite emergency repair kit... is a body bag.
comedy dangerous gonna people pick wave
Sometimes I wave to people I don't know. It's very dangerous to wave to someone you don't know, because what if they don't have a hand? They'll think you're cocky. 'Look what I got... This thing is useful. I'm gonna go pick somethin' up.'
american-comedian dancer drive imagine morse tap understand
I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
belt holds loops pants
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which ones the real hero?
american-comedian belt holds loops pants
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. So which one is the real hero?
devil pickles sold soul
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil - and the devil was dill.
ask dreams following hook sick
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.