Jim Norton
Jim Norton
kids night funny-marriage
God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.
funny humor rubber
I don't wear rubbers cause you can't catch it twice.
looks chef homeless
Mario you are a great chef but you look like a homeless James Gandolfini.
funny humor pussy
They don't tend to feature the kind of vaginas I like in adult films. I tend to like a thick, heavy pussy - the kind of pussy that looks like it just smoked an exploding cartoon cigar.
funny humor wish
I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.
thinking laughing people
People are dumb and they think that laughing equals cosigning a belief in the ideology, which it doesn't.
cat house guy
What a shock that a guy who makes $2 million a week behaves exactly like I would with $2 million a week. As far as I’m concerned, if you make $2 million a week and you don’t have a hooker in your hotel room, you’re creepy and I don’t trust you. And I don’t do drugs at all, so for me it would just be more prostitutes. That’s how they would find me. I would be dead on the floor, flattened by a pile of prostitutes. I’d look like a cat in a hoarders’ house.
selfish people faults
People are just self-centered-it's all about them. And we're telling people it's okay to be 'all about you' because you're a victim and it's not your fault. That's why society has gotten more and more belligerent and selfish.
funny horse names
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
people want embarrassed
I'm embarrassed for us as a free society that we actually want people punished for saying things we don't like.
funny running children
And while all of your friends are grieving at your wake, I hope the sprinkler system turns on and sprays them with AIDS, hepatitis C and liquified genital warts. And while they're all running out and crying, I hope one of them slips and accidentally molests a child.
art thinking museums
Why is comedy the only form of the arts where people think they have to agree with or approve the content? You don't walk through a museum with a towel and throw it over paintings you don't like.
people darkness pits
The funniest people I know always seem to be the ones surrounded by darkness. And that’s probably why they’re the funniest. The deeper the pit, the more humor you need to dig yourself out of it.
molotov-cocktail may cocktails
While There may be power in forgiveness, there is even more power in lobbing a Molotov cocktail through someone's dining room window.