Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
I'm a great lover, I'll bet.
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
People always ask me, 'Where were you when Kennedy was shot?' Well, I don't have an alibi.
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.