Emo Philips
Emo Philips
Emo Philipsis an American entertainer and comedian born in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove. Much of his standup comedy stems from the use of paraprosdokians spoken in a wandering falsetto tone of voice and a confused, childlike delivery of his material to produce the intended comic timing in a manner invoking the 'wisdom of children' or the idiot savant...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1956
CityChicago, IL
CountryUnited States of America
How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.
I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
I'm a great lover, I'll bet.
My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself.
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.
People come up to me... concerned... that I'll reproduce.
I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.