Ellen DeGeneres
Ellen DeGeneres
Ellen Lee DeGeneres is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer. Degeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998, and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003...
ProfessionTV Show Host
Date of Birth26 January 1958
CityMetairie, LA
funny baby humor
I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
inspirational funny humor
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
funny home humor
I was coming home from kindergarten - well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.
funny humor toothpaste
Have you ever thought about toothpaste? Ellen has! And she makes a point about all of the types of toothpaste that Colgate offers!
funny humor anxiety
All the commercials on TV today are for antidepressants, for Prozac or Paxil. And they get you right away. "Are you sad? Do you get stressed, do you have anxiety?" "Yes, I have all those things! I'm alive!"
funny humor shampoo
That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy.
funny humor whistling
When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show.
funny humor light
I'm a - I'm a, um, a godmother which is just, that's fun to be a godmother, she is so precious, she's the light of my life, she's two... or five or something, and she's, uh... I don't know, I've never seen her - the pictures are precious, she just seems so, y'know... She lives clear across town, I don't have that kind of time, but, um... Well, I send money and stuff, it's not like I don't have a connection.
funny humor giving
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.
funny humor eye
The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said "God Bless you" I said, "I didn't sneeze" She looked deep into my eyes and said, "You will, eventually." And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.
funny humor procrastination
All we have is here and now. That's why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution.
funny humor tired
You say you`re sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I`M sick and tired of hearing about me.
funny dog humor
My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not
funny letting-go humor
I think I let go of the need for approval, ... It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things.