Eddie Izzard
Eddie Izzard
Edward John "Eddie" Izzardis an English stand-up comedian, actor, and writer. His comedic style takes the form of rambling, whimsical monologue, and self-referential pantomime. He had a starring role in the television series The Riches as Wayne Malloy and has appeared in films such as Ocean's Twelve, Ocean's Thirteen, Mystery Men, Shadow of the Vampire, The Cat's Meow, Across the Universe, and Valkyrie. He has also worked as a voice actor in The Wild, Igor, The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince...
NationalityBritish
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth7 February 1962
animals anybody bloody cant chip entire fill gotta others quite rat sand wanna
And theres others like taxidermist! You cant just go, Oh, I was just working at the chip shop, and I just started stuffing animals with sand, you know? Youve gotta want to be! I want to be a taxidermist! I wanna fill animals with sand. (mimes stuffing an animal) I wanna get more sand into an animal than anybody has ever bloody got in one. I wanna fill a rat with the entire Gobi Desert, so its really quite tight.
brought god imperial lieutenant
Imperial Soldier: Oh... I... Oh.Imperial Commander: What is it lieutenant Sebastian?Imperial Soldier: Its the rebels, sir... they're here.Imperial Commander: My god man! Do they want tea?Imperial Soldier: No, I think they want something more then that, sir. I don't know what it is, but they brought a flag.
cake red tea
Tea and cake or death...students with beards 'tea and cake or death, tea and cake or death...little red cookbook, little red cookbook.'
archeology banjo dancing elephants everywhere excited fiddler found king mad olden playing pointing proves queen series small soldiers walls
And they always find in archeology a series of small walls. Every time, a series of small walls. Everywhere you go. Weve found a series of small walls, were very excited I think this proves they had walls in olden days. They were very small, and a series of small wall people. And then someone comes along, very learned, with glasses, Of course, the king and queen entertained here 1,500 courtiers, and there were soldiers, 20,000 soldiers in this room, and elephants dancing hopscotch over there A mad fiddler in this room, playing the banjo, buttocks and aqueducts into a heater And youre just watching, and going, Youre making this up, mate! Youre just pointing at a series of small walls, going, there, there Tutankhamen playing banjo in there Dont know if its true.
french love
ello, Sue. I've got legs. Do you like bread? I've got a French loaf. Bye! I love you
captain rattle
Oh, Captain Clever! Rattle it, if it doesn't go off it can't be a bomb!
eat
You're going to eat that later? You're going to take it home?
advise advisor careers grew kids together
I grew up in the 70s, when the careers advisor used to come to school, and he used to get the kids together and say, 'Look, I advise you to get a career, what can I say? That's it.'
citizens immigrants jobs
I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.
aged couple died fine house million next people point pot reason seven sort stalin stand stupid
Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that. Hitler killed people next door. Oh, stupid man. After a couple of years we won't stand for that, will we?
action climbing putting
I'm an action transvestite really, so it's running, jumping, climbing trees... putting on make-up when you're up there!
due except float floating flood hole huge swim swimming wipe
Theres a huge hole in the whole Flood drama, because anything that could float or swim got away scot-free, and it was the idea to wipe out everything, He didnt say, I will kill everything, except the floating ones and the swimming ones, who will get out due to a loophole.
backing bloody claim countries cunning flag gun india lent million national rifle rules sail stick
We stole countries with the cunning use of flags! Yeah, just sail around the world and stick a flag in. - I claim India for Britain!They go, - You can't claim us, we live here! 500 million of us!- Do you have a flag?- We don't need a bloody flag! It's our country, you bastards!- No flag, no country, you can't have one! That's the rules that I've just made up, and I'm backing it up with this gun that was lent from the National Rifle Association.
hate moving years
It's a historical thing, up to the 19th century the English hated the French. Then in the 20th century the English started to hate the Germans - as we began to move alphabetically through the map of the world. Now, the year 2000, we are fine with the Germans... but the Hungarians are pissing us off.