Dave Attell
Dave Attell
Dave Attellis an American stand-up comedian, writer and actor, best known as the host of Comedy Central's Insomniac with Dave Attell and The Gong Show with Dave Attell. Born in Queens, New York, he grew up in Rockville Centre, New York with his cousins the Small family and now lives in New York City...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth18 January 1965
CityQueens, NY
CountryUnited States of America
Dave Attell quotes about
funny humor aspirin
Aspirin will not bring dead hookers back to life.
funny reading humor
I'm sitting in the bus station, minding my own business, reading 'Ta-Da!' magazine; a magazine by and for gay magicians, but that's a different story.
funny stupid humor
Are you shooting webs of stupid at me?
funny humor drug
I used to do drugs, but that was way back there.
funny humor giving
There's a fine line between masturbating while you look out a window, and masturbating while you're looking in a window. I'll give you a hint: one of 'em is super illegal.
funny humor rhinos
When I first saw a strap on, I put it on my head and ran around like a rhino.
funny humor machines
You can say, 'Can I use your bathroom?' and nobody cares. But if you ask, 'Can I use the plop-plop machine?' it always breaks the conversation.
funny humor fantasy
Every dude in here has had a fantasy about Jessica Simpson. Here's mine: Jessica, hold your sister Ashlee so I can kick her in the throat.
funny mother humor
You gotta make your own fun. That's right, listen to that mother of two, she knows what I'm talking about.
funny crazy humor
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
funny humor drunk
She was drunk so I took her back to my place and we did it doggy style, not because we planned it that way, but that's just how she passed out.
funny humor men
You know what my drink is? Jack Daniel's. Yes, that is a wild man drink. That should come with bail money, you know what I'm saying? Because on Jack, you don't know where you're going to end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants.
funny humor land
You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."
funny humor sea
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.