Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh
Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0 and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials...
NationalityAmerican
ProfessionComedian
Date of Birth29 May 1975
CityBoppard, Germany
CountryUnited States of America
clever perfect
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
men perfect looks
Describe your perfect man who looks like me...
second-chance perfect ifs
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
children night perfect
Somebody bought me a Snuggie as a joke gift. Haha, the joke's on you, I enjoy it. I toss and turn at night, finally a blanket that's like, 'I'm going to keep you warm.' It's like having a small child with polio keep you in a full nelson - the perfect pressure.
sex hair mutation
Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown.
morning noon apologizing
I apologize if there's a Parkinson's painter in the audience. I assume you do your best work in the morning. Probably gets abstract by noon.
writing people trying
People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.
dream cereal puffins
You should never eat when you're on the toilet. "But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk!" That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.
funny reason woodstock
The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
funny children six-months
I go to the dentist every six months, I get a cleaning, so... I'm fortunate enough that those fluoride treatments as a child worked. Not getting any cavities.
husband fall men
Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.
funny school florida
I grew up in Florida and went to school there, and ended up going to University of Central Florida.
funny sick freak
You are a sick freak who should be beaten.
funny speak-english heaven
I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.