Famous Quotes & Sayings

Alan Perlis

When someone says, "I want a programming language in which I need only say what I want done," give him a lollipop.

Carolina Herrera

I can get ready in 10 minutes.

Betty White

Keep the other person's well being in mind when you feel an attack of soul-purging truth coming on.

Dennis Miller

Lotto fever hit New York again this week, and like the old saying goes, 'You gotta be in it to win it'... but first, you gotta have a dead end job so pathetic you're willing to kill five hours standing in line for a 1 in 25 million chance.

Elizabeth Meriwether

Funny women are honest women.

Elizabeth Olsen

Not since I was 10, trying to get Nick Vossler's attention in PE. 'Red Rover, Red Rover, send Nicholas right over!'

Alan Kay

Most software today is very much like an Egyptian pyramid with millions of bricks piled on top of each other, with no structural integrity, but just done by brute force and thousands of slaves.

Charles Lamb

Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever.

Diane von Furstenberg

Generosity is the best investment.

Charles Dickens

There are many pleasant fictions of the law in constant operation, but there is not one so pleasant or practically humorous as that which supposes every man to be of equal value in its impartial eye, and the benefits of all laws to be equally attainable by all men, without the smallest reference to the furniture of their pockets.

David Sedaris

Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.

Dave Barry

England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.

Dave Barry

English history consists largely of royal people getting their heads chopped off...Needless to say, this brand of history was a hit with our son.

Dave Barry

The basic Roman ruin design is a pile of rocks with a little plaque saying "Roman Ruins" and a group of tourists frowning at it and wishing they were back at the hotel bar..

Dave Barry

The Romans spent the next 200 years using their great engineering skill to construct ruins all over Europe.

Dave Barry

One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.

Dave Barry

Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.

Dave Barry

Europeans, like some Americans, drive on the right side of the road, except in England, where they drive on both sides of the road; Italy, where they drive on the sidewalk; and France, where if necessary they will follow you right into the hotel lobby.

Augusten Burroughs

If you find you require willpower, you aren't ready to lose weight.